Conflict is stressful and triggers negative emotions. Mediation can add another layer of anxiety. Clients are usually fearful about confronting each other – afraid of the other’s anger and of humiliation, and worried whether they will be able to control their own emotions. An empathic mediator may in effect function as an attachment figure, a ‘secure base’ enabling parties to both enter and remain in the room. The mediator’s empathy helps clients reduce their level of emotional arousal. They become calmer and start engaging creatively in problem-solving: much as, when younger, they would resume exploration in the reassuring presence of their caregiver. People can now display curiosity rather than fear, engaging in the work needed to reach an understanding of each other’s perspective and hopefully to sustainable agreements.

Opportunities for empathy are built into the mediation process. It’s common to ask one person to listen while the other speaks uninterrupted. Even this simple act of listening can have a de-escalating effect: it resembles empathy, whatever the person is actually thinking, allowing the speaker to develop their narrative uninterrupted. The move is then reciprocated. If things go well the parties start to respond directly to one another, contributing to each other’s shifts of perspective and understanding. “Mediation offers disputants opportunities to appreciate both events and emotions behind each other’s perspective: in other words, to experience empathy”(Ibid, p. 236).

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