The inability of Americans to cope with gaps of silence makes it a powerful tool. As the article explains, the silence that occurs after one has finished speaking often causes the listener to feel uncomfortable. Rather than using the silence to reflect on what was said and to focus inward, the listener will feel quite awkward and an overpowering need to fill in the gap. In doing so, the listener will often make concessions or offer a compromise or make statements detrimental to her position. Thus, the speaker “wins” by remaining silent. Or, as Katie Donovan quoted in the BBC article notes, “He who speaks first, loses.” (Id.)

Learning to remain silent after another has spoken is difficult, taking quite a bit of self-control. But, it is a very valuable negotiation tactic. I have often used it during a separate session and have found that the silence causes the speaker to state what the dispute is REALLY about, what is REALLY upsetting her, and at times what it will REALLY take to resolve it. The silence causes the speaker to reveal her innermost thoughts; what is really bugging her! The silence on my part helps me to get to the heart of the matter; to get “below the line” so to speak and thus provides me with the needed knowledge to help the parties resolve the matter.

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