Empathy is critical to being a good negotiator. You must address the other person’s needs and wants in order to reach an agreement. Being emotionally cut off from others is not a recipe for negotiation success. On the other hand being too tuned in to others’ emotions can weigh you down and overwhelm you. An article in Lifehacker has some suggestions on how to keep a balance.

 

Author Melanie Pinola suggests using two tools to protect ourselves: clear boundaries and a shift in perspective to protect yourself from others’ emotions. If you can label an emotion shown by another (anger, frustration), it creates some distance and gives you an opportunity to objectively react, not just absorb it. The other person is feeling these emotions, not you.

 

You can also try to transform your empathy into compassion, which is two different things. Different parts of our brains react when we share someone’s pain (empathy) and when we want to respond warmly towards their suffering (compassion). Empathy can result in a shared feeling of pain while compassion results in the sense of concern which can motivate us to act. This feeling of compassion and taking actions can ease our feelings of pain.

During negotiation or mediation, attorneys may float on an angry sea of emotions from the parties. Being able to insulate yourself can help you resolve their differences in the short term and help you maintain your emotional health in the long term.

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