Reframe — Cast the issue in a different light. Describe the other person’s words or actions in a way that behooves future interactions. If someone says, “I don’t want to fight about this,” a useful reframe of that comment is, “This is a debate, certainly not a fight. And you’re a good debater, as I recall.”

Rephrase — Say the words in a different, less negative way. Should someone accuse you of having come on too strongly in a meeting, you might reply, “I was passionate.” If you’re described as stubborn, you could say, “I’m very determined when something is important to a successful effort.” Rather than let inaccurate or offensive words pass, suggest replacements.

Revisit — Use an earlier success to redefine a current failure. If the people involved in a conversation have a previous history of positive interactions, it can help to remind them of past success and their ability to find common ground: “We have a good track record working together. No reason to change that now.”

Restate — Clarify or redirect negative wording. Anyone can inadvertently give offense or spark disagreement. At such times, it’s useful to employ one of my favorite strategies: Give them a chance to do the right thing. “Surely there’s another way to say that” or “Did you mean what I think I heard?” are useful ways to encourage a person to reconsider and alter what was said.

Request — Ask a question. When in doubt about a person’s intention, one sensible approach is to check your perceptions by querying them before reacting negatively: “Would you clarify for me what you meant just then?”

Rebalance — Adjust the other person’s power. People cede power unnecessarily when they allow another individual to make them miserable or undermine their work. Often, such power imbalance can be changed. One way is to reduce the impact on you with your attitude — refusing to be upset — or by saying, “Fortunately, I’m not easily offended, especially by one-off situations like this.”

Reorganize — Change the priority of the issues. Direct the conversation away from personal concerns by focusing on process. For example, one comeback might be, “We seem to agree on the what but are having some difficulty with the how.” In this way, you cut the problem in half. The focus is now on only one aspect of what might otherwise appear to be an intractable impasse.

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