I came across a book on the subject. You’re Not Listening and What You’re Missing and Why It Matters (published 2019) is by Kate Murphy, a journalist who writes for The New York Times. She has interviewed and listened to many people in the course of her work.
Dotted throughout this book are some very resonant examples of good question-asking by people who really listen. They acknowledge what they have heard, then ask questions that invite the listener to go on and expand. An example Murphy gives is a conversation with a friend who has just lost his job and is worried about how to tell his family. A common response might be some form of empathy like “I’m sorry,” and some form of evaluative encouragement, such as “I’m sure you will find another job soon.” Murphy suggests that instead it might be better to pick up on the concern heard and invite more: “So now you have to break the news to your family. That’s rough. How do you think they are going to react?” This will seem familiar to many mediators reading – the book is full of wonderful examples from outside our profession.
