Non-Apology Apologies
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The law generally doesn’t do much to promote apologies. They aren’t included in the panoply of remedies that judges can impose on unwilling parties. Even if courts could order parties to apologize, the apologies probably would be of the unsatisfying tell-your-sister-you’re-sorry variety.
Professor Jonathan Cohen has written wonderful pieces on The Immorality of Denial, 79 Tul. L. Rev. 903 (2005) and The Culture of Legal Denial, 84 Neb. L. Rev. 247 (2005), describing how it has become “normal practice within our legal culture is for injurers to deny responsibility for harms they commit.” When defendants settle lawsuits, they often include explicit language refusing to accept responsibility.
In our DR world, we appreciate the seemingly magical power of apologies to sometimes dissolve bitter conflicts, enable resolutions, and restore relationships. Our colleagues Eric Galton and Lela Love collected many such stories in their wonderful book, Stories Mediators Tell.
It can be hard to give a good apology – and many people make a hash of it. One of my favorite cartoons shows a couple with a woman who has a disgruntled expression on her face in response to the guy saying, “I thought it was a perfectly good apology especially considering that I didn’t do anything wrong.”
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