“You cannot direct a living system; you can only disturb it”1

When mediators join a conflict, they enter a living system. Realise it or not, that system is instantly changed by their arrival. Change may be for the better, and we hope our influence is benign, but nothing is the same again. It therefore makes sense for those intervening in other people’s conflict to know themselves: what kind of person is joining the system?

When teaching new mediators I like to use Ron Kraybill’s “Stylematters” Conflict Style Inventory. Based on Mouton and Blake’s managerial grid, it provides a speedy snapshot of individuals’ approach to conflict based on two axes: concern for relationships (horizontal) and concern for agenda (vertical). High concern for agenda combined with low concern for relationships is the “Directing” style; high concern for relationships and low for agenda is the “Harmonizing” style; the “Avoiding” style appears little concerned with either; “Cooperating” involves attending to relationships AND agenda; while the “Compromising” style, as the name suggests, is somewhat concerned with both.

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I’d recommend that anyone take the inventory (see www.riverhouseepress.com); but for prospective mediators it has a particular value. If we dare to become involved in other people’s conflict we should know what kind of style we bring with us. Recent work with law students got me thinking: what are the particular benefits and drawbacks of each style for mediators? So, with a big acknowledgement to Ron Kraybill, here’s a rough list:

Harmonizing:

Directing:

Avoiding:

Cooperating:

Compromising:

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