Fighting is a deep instinct. We mediators need to remember that. I fear that too many mediators are not comfortable with it. That can result in an effort to “neuter” discussions, for example by insisting on “politeness” in the exchanges. Parties with intense grievances often do not want a polite discussion. They want the full force of their views, feelings, and angst to be heard – at minimum. Yes, we have a responsibility to try to keep the process on track, but not at the expense of depriving parties of what they need. We need to work with the tigers, not try to tame them. If teeth are bared, and claws draw blood, deal with it. There is something inherently dangerous about mediating that we must not shy away from.
