Principles and Optimism / Realism and Compromise
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As a mediator, I have often had a party tell me that she will not settle on the terms proffered because, “It is all about principle!” I take this with a grain or two of salt because I have learned that if the other party becomes sufficiently generous in the offer, the “principled” party will accept the generous terms and settle.
In his book, The Conflict Paradox (ABA and Jossey-Bass 2015), Bernard Mayer discusses the paradoxes of Principle and Compromise (Id. at 131-166) and Optimism and Realism. (Id. at 61-94.) I discuss them together because they go hand in hand.
As the author notes with respect to optimism and realism:
Optimism and realism require each other. We cannot be genuinely optimistic in conflict without also being realistic, and realism without optimism is not truly realistic….
Realism puts boundaries around optimism. Optimism suggests that we can have a powerful effect on the reality we face. …. (Id. at 61-62.)
If we view these on a continuum with optimism (or complete certainty) on one end, and realism (or utter confusion) on the other end, we sense that “… complete certainty breeds rigidity and closes the door to communication while realism helps us recognize that the resolution to our dispute, like life itself, is unpredictable….” (Id. at 62.)
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